When anyone says a relationship should not flourish under the umbrella of compromise—just have a look at that person, mostly he/she is SINGLE or dwells in a shitty torture she/he term a relationship.
Two people in this world cannot make any meaningful progress or achieve anything substantive without a compromise.
Perhaps those who say they will never compromise in a relationship do not even understand what compromise means. It simply means, “each side making concessions” for the better of both parties or even one party—such that when it’s for the betterment of the other, the same principle would hold.
When you hear a woman or a man shouting: I am not going to compromise in a relationship—just walk away and let them be in a relationship with themselves.
Of course, there should never be a compromise on the fundamentals—such as respect, love, fairness and integrity. Therefore, Ghandi was right when he said; “All compromise is based on give and take, but there can be no give and take on fundamentals. Any compromise on mere fundamentals is a surrender. For it is all give and no take.”
There isn’t a photocopy of yourself out there and science hasn’t been able to clone people yet. Consequently, for any two persons, with different values, way of thinking, principles, worldviews, upbringing, experience, dreams and understanding to set off to achieve a common purpose together guided by love, there ought to be the important ingredient of compromise and I mean plenty of that.
Irrespective of how close two people’s distinctive dreams sound, the nuances will hold them part. For instance, my wife loves to travel and I do too. That sounds like we share a common interest and a dream to see as much of the world as we can. But it’s not the same even if on the face of it the dreams sound the same.
Now, I have been to about 21 countries already and she has only been to 1, England. So where do we go next as a couple? She says Paris—note that I have been to Paris about 15 times and I don’t want to go and see the Eiffel Tower for the about 8th time. I want us to go to the beautiful city of Tokyo first but she says, we will do that this year—let’s do Paris first.
We all love travelling as I stated and yet here we are unable to even agree on where to travel to first. This is where compromise becomes important. We evaluate every reasonable factor on the table and push for compromise from each of us to come to an agreement as to where we should fly out first.
For the anti-compromise social media relationship idealists, agreeing to part away with a little of your own comfort or dreams and the other doing the same in other areas to help build an enviable relationship is unheard of, perhaps, even absurd.
How on earth can two “idiosyncratic” people ever come together for a common good if there isn’t going to be some sort of compromise? My wife does not eat Banku or Kenkey and those are my favourite foods. For the compromise, she makes them for me and even tries to eat some. She sits by me and drops her hand in the food, taking small bites as much as she can. Eventually, I hope she will begin to love it too. Even if she doesn’t, I wouldn’t disregard the strange effort and the obvious compromise.
I hate Chocolates and Ice Creams—I do not even think they are healthy but my wife loves them, as if she has been cursed with them. You know of the Fanti stereotyping—“their mouth dey sweet them.” Now, I just don’t have to buy her these things whenever I can, occasionally I take a spoon or bite from her. And the sort of pleasure that beams off her face can’t be measured when I say give me a bite or when I surprise her with a container of chocolate Ben and Jerry.
Even when it comes to movies, though we all love action, drama and comedy—there are still subtle differences between these genres and when we dig deep, we struggle to agree on what to watch at any point in time. So, we compromise on the back rotational selection.
All I am trying to drive at is; do not make the mistake by buying into this twisted logic that a man or woman should not compromise in a loving relationship. Even profit driven partnerships need compromise from the decision makers to thrive.
Remember, “to compromise” is not a one-way street and it’s not a dictatorship, even if guided by some celestial authority. There’s a clear difference between “idealism” and “realism” when it comes to relationships—these two words are not used in the context of philosophy.
It’s only a conservative fool whose cousin is selfishness that wouldn’t want to compromise in life.
This article was first published on GhanaCelebrities.Com by Chris-Vincent Agyapong Febiri